Squeak's been giving his nurses a bit of a run for the last two days, I'm not sure if it is that he isn't feeling well or if this is his personality starting to emerge? He is having some 'inconsolable' times during his day now and I am trying really hard not to think it is because he misses me (that sounds a bit pompous I know). Now that I know that HE knows when I am there I am also thinking that he knows when I'm not. This whole 'trying to be in two places at once' is not getting any easier that is for dang sure.
Braeden has been struggling with his oxygen again for the past few days as well and they've had to increase his pressure again. Not a big deal really, just have to keep on trying. He can be on the lower pressures and lower percentages but if he gets mad or upset (and he surely does) he can't maintain his oxygen. We are also dealing with an increase in swelling again and weight gain. Now weight gain is great, he is a baby after all and needs to grow but when it is put in together with the swelling it is very concerning to me. It all seems to be localized to his face right now so that at least that means that I/we can notice it faster rather than if it were all over body swelling. They did a chest xray today because he is working harder again to breathe and oddly (and thankfully) enough it actually looked better than it did when he was intubated! Odd, but awesome as well!
He is feeling well enough that they have increased his feeds again, another source of good news. We'll fatten this kid up soon enough! This kid is eating gourmet with EBM (expressed breast milk), formula and fortifications into it all...if that doesn't make him grow I don't know what will. I've come to terms (more so anyhow) with the lack of breast milk, thank you all for your comments and support through it. He gets what he gets from me and that is all I can do (sound familiar my darling husband? See! I do listen sometimes!!!). I figure as long as I'm not resenting the pumping then I'll keep it up for now.
He did however have a short visit today from a new visitor (shhh, don't tell). My wonderful friend Jodi forced me to give myself a break and took me for a pedicure today for my birthday treat (thank you Jackie and Sumyu too). We stopped by to drop off some milk and she got a chance to have a quick meeting with the little guy. It is so odd to me that my friends and family haven't seen him and when I walk in with someone who's not met him I am always surprise at their reactions like it is the first time they get to meet him...oh wait, it is! I didn't realize just how tense I was until the woman doing the leg massage shook my leg telling me to relax...hey, I thought I was. Guess not. Ah well, I did enjoy myself and the company at least and it was nice to do something 'normal' (not that I am a regular spa girl, I wish! And I will use the other gc soon Lisa, thanks!).
Back to school tomorrow for my other little squirrels and back to an easier routine. I am still fighting my cold symptoms, yes I am only calling them symptoms, I will not give in yet. Braeden was seeming to cough a bit yesterday and I am terrified that I've passed on the boy's bug but the nurses assure me that they've seen no symptoms of it. I wash and wash and sanitize and sanitize and stay away when I feel yucky (ie: scratchy throat) but it is hard not to be just a bit paranoid! He's been crabby, trouble with oxygen, how do I not go to worst case scenario? Just because everything seemingly that could have happened has happened, doesn't mean everything else will right?? RIGHT??
Tomorrow is yet another day filled with the unknowns but it is still one more day towards hope.
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