Going Nowhere Fast

So the hope is that after two days of running a blend of 1 part formula and 3 parts Pedialyte that B should be perking up a bit....or not.



Not too impressed with the world around him

Mr.B at least had a decent night last night since we reintroduced the Ketorolac (pain med) around the clock.  He hadn't been in as much pain, he wasn't himself, but not in as much pain at least.



Hi Grandma

Auntie Lorna came in for snuggles this morning since the big boys were off school so I got to the hospital around lunch time.  Mr.B was the same as yesterday, not any better,  but not any worse.  He has certainly gone from not wanting to be touched to needing to be on Momma 24/7 though.  I had planned to go get groceries and leave Grandma at the hospital but I just could get around to leaving today.  My gut was getting louder as the day went on and B didn't want to move.  I had to change his bedding at one point and his was so uncomfortable when I had to move him.  By this afternoon at 3 I thought enough is enough and called in the Dr.

I explained what I was seeing (or lack thereof) and again expressed my concern that his pain levels had been increasing since the NJ went in.  I again voiced that my biggest fear was that he'd been perforated upon NJ insertion.  He was just so unsettled (didn't nap yesterday or today really) and so uncomfortable that I asked to stop the feeds.  I knew he wasn't getting dramatically worse but he was certainly not showing any signs of improvement either.  She agreed with me that maybe we should take a look at the bowels and ordered an abdominal xray.

Once again we trouped down to DI and Mr.B was a such an amazing superstar considering this is the third time in as many days as he's been strapped to 'the board'.  We got back upstairs and within a short time the Dr. came in.  She said, "the good news is that he doesn't have a perforated bowel....not so good news is that there is an Ileus there"...again.

That would explain the increasing pain.  Dr.Brindle just happened to be at the desk when she was reviewing the xray and so she could weigh in on it as well.  They decided to try to keep running a 1/4 formula blend nice and slow to try to push through the Ileus.  I was fine with trialing it, it made sense.  He's SO in need of calories.  He went without ANY calories for five days and has only been getting a slight amount of calories for the past two days.  His body has burned through what tiny amount of stores he had and he's even gone back a size in diapers.  So that is why I agreed to try running some calories.

Our friend Peter playing the Kalimba for Mr.B trying to perk him up a bit

He was just desperate to be held tonight and I couldn't move let alone put him down.  I knew he was still uncomfortable but it was mildly improved from earlier in the day.  I finally shut it down at 7pm tonight and called for the Resident.  He was thrashing in my arms and I couldn't calm him down.  I'm not a Mom to ever hit the Nurse's button but it got hit three times in an hour tonight so she could see what was going on.  By the time the Resident was able to come to us (an hour and a bit later) he'd actually been settled for a bit in my lap and was just chilling when she came in.

She was able to examine him pretty decently and he was fairly calm while she touched him.  He only got really uncomfortable once she got to the lower abdomen.  I was hesitant but still open to trying just Pedialyte at a rate of 20mls/hr (a dribble) so that he'd at least still get a few calories over night.

We've taken to having 10 min catnaps

The Nurse came in, hooked him up and let me know she was going on break.  He lasted a total of about THREE minutes before he started writhing in my arms again.  DONE.  Shut it off, we're done.

It was all I could do to get him to settle down tonight (not in my arms) and I crept out quietly as he was drifting off feeling confident he'd be down for the night.  Apparently not.  SIGH.  I called to tell his Nurse that I'd left for a bit since she wasn't around and she told me that no, he was wide awake and upset (which is what every Mom wants to hear).  She said she had to change his dressing on his IV (argh) and we woke up...uh, yeah.  So I'm here at home feeling guilty as hell but exhausted as well.

Nope, not sleeping

I also asked if she'd informed the Resident that I'd 'shut down' his feed and she said yes but that the Resident wanted to try it just one more time to see what happens.  WHAT?!!  How can a Mother telling you he's writhing in her arms not be enough of a 'trial'???  I told the Nurse in no uncertain terms that I said NO, he is NOT to get anymore feed or Pedialyte tonight and to put it in the file as such.  So now I'm not only feeling guilty but mad to boot.  The thing is that Mike has to work in the morning, it's already midnight, I'm tired (yet wired on stress)....and on and on goes my mind.

I am just simply hoping that it is only (!) and Ileus causing all of this distress and that maybe just maybe I might get to see a small glimpse of Mr.B tomorrow coming through.  It has been a week since Mr.B has been Mr.B and it is so hard to see.  It is also so very hard to make anyone that doesn't know him understand just how 'bad' he's feeling.  I'm sure you can tell my frustrations are running high.

I'm hoping that between Dr.V and Dr.B tomorrow we can formulate a plan that will include feeding my son and getting him stronger while also giving him the rest and support he needs.

Tomorrow is a new day...a chance at a better day (let's go with that).

From Our Home (Unit 4 still) To Yours...