November 7th, 2011, Happy Birthday Baby!

The decision to deliver was made yesterday morning after my routine scan showed no marked improvement and throughout the scan he was quite still.  I was comfortable with the decision but it was just a touch stressful getting it all together and into surgery a short while later.

Our newest little man joined us yesterday at 12:02pm at the Foothills hospital.  His birth weight was almost 7lbs, however the Dr's are stating his 'dry' weight to be just over 4lbs.  I guess you could say that I was feeling stressed as Mike put it, "she smart-assed her way through the surgery".  Yup, when in doubt ask for a tummy tuck during a c-section!  We had a wonderful surgery team for us, and being my third c-section Dr. Cooper took her time and did a great job.  Baby had a team of 7 standing by to stabilize him (I joked that I asked for 10 and ironically 2 more showed up).  I was very thankful for my nurse, Denise, she was so very kind and wonderful and just as much of a smart ass as me.  I was also very appreciative of the warning (we had been told the day before) that baby would be coded as a 'code blue' upon arrival which is more than a little shocking and unnerving.  Michael was a trooper, holding my hand (not sure who was squeezing more) and was happy he got to stand and see the delivery.  I was also able to look over to my right and see my Mom in the observation window, giving her reassurances to us.  All in all I was pretty calm throughout, I was actually expecting to freak out but the anesthesiologist was superb and kept on top of me minute to minute.

So swollen he's 'stuck' in this position, legs and arms apart, hard to believe they got him out

Baby arrived breach and was a bit troublesome to deliver as his feet/legs were tiny (not really swollen at all) and his torso and head were painfully swollen.  Michael couldn't see much (especially with 9 Dr's/Specialists and nurses) but he did at least get to set eyes on him as they worked to stabilize him.  I unfortunately did not get to see him as they whisked him away after stabilizing him as there were too many of them around his basket for me to spot him as they went flying out the door.  They did what Dr. Amin (Neonatologist) had told us the day before, intubating him immediately to open his airway and stabilize his heart.  Mike was able to follow the team out to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), but couldn't stay too long as they had to perform their 'sterilized proceedures'.  Dr. Cooper finished up my surgery and I was taken into recovery where my nurse Denise and Dr. Jack (anesthetist) broke the rules by letting my Mom join Mike and I.  Denise did a great job at keeping me distracted until I could safely be put into my new room.  Unfortunately it took a very long time to fully stabilize baby and I wasn't permitted to see him until later that afternoon.  I did however score a private room and have been SO very thankful for that.  The nurses at this hospital are so incredible!  I have been visited and looked after by all the nurses that have had contact with me/us since day one.  I feel so blessed!  They all are following us through our journey and offering great advice and support for us along the way.  Many just stop by to say 'hi' and give me a hug, how wonderful is that?!

The NICU in this hospital is something else, let me tell you!  It is huge for one thing, and not as intimidating as one would imagine.  The only other NICU I had been in was in North Van when Torin was born and spent his first 5 days there, and this one is nothing like that.  I know this is the state-of-the-art facility but I still got way more than I expected.  We've got some privacy in our little corner and our little man has more bells and whistles looking out for him than one could envision.  We have also been blessed with two fabulous nurses there thus far that have been nothing but kind, understanding, extremely knowledgeable, and patient.



Stack of meds

To say our little man is not looking well is a sad understatement.  It is so painful just to see him in this state, knowing there is nothing we can do or change to make it better.  I know he is getting the best care and medicine but it still rips your heart out as a Mom when you can't 'help him'.  I told Mike that I just want to snatch him back and put him back inside me.  I don't really believe he is suffering at all but it is crushing to imagine how he must be feeling under all of that fluid.  I know how incredibly crappy I feel with all this extra fluid!  We were all very surprised to learn that the majority of his edema is in his torso/neck/and face.  His head is extremely swollen and looks very painful.  The Dr's can't give us a reason to why his swelling is mostly on/in his upper body but they are looking for the answer.  He has tubes and lines going in and out all over his body (which we knew to expect) and was laying quite still (unnervingly so) last night.  We did see more movement today in his feet and legs (and even a bit of free-breathing) but he is even more swollen today and even more so again tonight.  I did get a chance to lay my hand on his head this afternoon and cover his foot which meant the world to me.  It is SO hard to not touch your child! His blood pressure was stable while Mike and I were there so I know that he could hear me and was paying attention.  He has a great deal of medication going into him as well, so it was great to know he could/can still pick me out. While we were in there tonight they did do a chest x-ray which revealed that his trachea tube (ventilation) had come up and needed to be adjusted.  Because his swelling has worsened, they need to readjust his tubing for proper ventilation with the hope that it will stay in place.

All this just so he can breathe

I am presently counting down the minutes till we hit our 48hr critical care mark.  I know he will still be in critical condition after that, and for some time, but it will be reassuring to me to make that mark in time.

Physically I am doing okay, pushing my limits (big surprise) but am also trying to care for myself (At least my nurses make me!).  Mike was smiling today because I was complaining of pain and being my third c-section you'd think you'd remember but we really do block this part from out brains (how else would you ever do it again???).  The extra swelling certainly isn't helping but I was told tonight by one of my 4th floor nurses that I am looking better as she felt I was going downhill for the past few days (that would have been the 'mirror syndrome').

The boys know that they have a new brother but that it will be a bit before they can meet him as he is quite sick.  Not sure how much of this they will remember but we are trying to make it as 'pleasant' as possible for them.  Torin was struggling with the fact that he's not seen me for the last two days again but I can at least tell him that I should be home hopefully by the weekend if all goes well with my recovery.  I am planning (as best as I can) to what life will look like for the next few months while 'living' here but it is pretty hard to see past tomorrow. 

Of course the next big step is finding a name for this little sweet pea, everyone certainly has their opinions on this one!  As important as it is, it is ironically not the most important item in our lives at the moment.

786 mins to go.