Today I Cried

Today I cried, and yesterday, and the day before that, and before that too.  I am crying for the loss of a child that I never got the honour to know, I've been crying for his Mom, (who has been a pillar of strength throughout), and I also have been crying for the young boy's brother and his Daddy.

While it might seem that this world is a huge place but with the Internet it is now so much smaller.  I had been following a blog of a fellow Momma with a young boy with multiple health issues since birth.  Much of our stories coincide in bizarre ways and we oddly have a very similar outlook on our lives and children (faith aside).

Part of what has happened in the past weeks is that my worst reality has come to light, that we too could lose Mr.B with no notice, no real time to say good-bye before he simply becomes unresponsive one day.  Know I know many of you chastize Michael and I for the fact that we aren't in the practice of saying 'My child will live to be an old man'.  Michael and I have chosen our scientific reality and that reality shows the sweetest baby in the world with a very organ-compromised body.  On the flip side of that I think of how grateful that I will be to have this child to hold in my arms for a full 5 1/2 years like sweet Gavin.

People often tell me, (with the best intentions) that I need to cry, to let the grief and stress out.  I certainly can do that but there are also times that I hold it so very close to me that if I were in fact going to cry I am afraid that it won't stop.  Through Kate's Journey and the Leong Family's loss of sweet Gavin I have cried.  Michael questions why I feel the need to continue on reading about this family when it obviously makes me upset but I feel the need to support this Mom in anguish who is my partner in Mommy-hood and living life with our medically complex children.  I am gaining strength from her and am hoping that I will have a small portion of her grace when our own time comes to say good-bye. 

Part of Gavin's parents journey was also donating organs to possible donors and having Gavin leave life even more so than that hero he already was in his own fight.  It was a devastating loss to them when they found out his liver wasn't viable and the donor recipient was a three year old from Texas.  Kate shares here the serendipity of life of how this world works to bring so many of us together in our times of need.

It is also incredibly important to Kate and her family that the spirit of Gavin lives on in each and everyone of us.  They want people to take a moment and 'pay it forward' with such things as donations of items, donations of time, or something as simple as helping a neighbour.  So take a moment, it doesn't have to take long to simply acknowledge a fellow human and offer some kindness.

So while I might be crying, they aren't all tears of sorrow, they are tears of love and joy and the blessing that is Braeden, every single part of him.  While we continue along our own journey, our path in the dark, in search of "Chasing Rainbows", we'll forever keep Gavin's Rainbow close as well.  Thank you Kate for being strong enough to share your journey with us, I too understand the cathartic quality to writing out my emotions. With love and support, the Lousier-Hicks' Family (Calgary, AB)

If you'd like the link to Kate Leong's whole blog it is here for you, please keep in mind that this is an incredibly emotional read for the past few weeks but you'll be honoured to see this little boy shine in all of his photos and videos. http://www.kateleong.com/

Songwriters: RICHIE MCDONALD, BILLY DEAN

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand

Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute

How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink

Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while

Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day

Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle

Oh just let them be little.

I've never felt so much in one little tender touch

I live for those kisses, prayers and your wishes

Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see

And Tonight while we're on our knees all I ask is please

Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while

Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day

Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle

Oh just let them be little

So innocent, precious soul, you turn around and It's time to let them go.

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while

Give them hope, give them praise, give them love everyday

Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle

Oh just let them be little

Let them be little