My Sweet Sick Boy

My Dear Mr.B,


I know it's been a month since I last left you a message to your future self on here and it's not for a lack of happenings, just more for a lack of time (I'll write an update post and pictures of our adventures in the past month I'm sure).


What sucks is that I have time now because you are laying beside me in your hospital bed, struggling to breathe.  It's been a long time little Love since your Momma has been this worried about you.  I don't know how it is that after more than two years you can still catch us all so off guard!


I brought you in on Monday to Emerge because you were visibly struggling and working harder to breathe.  I dropped the big boys off at school and brought you into Emerge. *You know you are a parent of a complex care kid when you do other things that need to get done in life first before coming into Emergency* It was pretty clear pretty quick that you needed to be admitted but what wasn't clear was where to put you because (once again) the hospital was 'full'.  We did get our expected diagnosis of pneumonia and we did our 12 hour stint in order to get a bed up on our Unit 2.


Aside from not peeing for such long stretch of time and working a bit harder to breathe, you actually didn't look/sound that bad.  They did start you on IV antibiotics (5 IV's later in Emerge) and Tamaflu to cover all of your bases.


We cruised through Tuesday and Wednesday thinking that the illness would 'peak' and pass.  We even had a good day yesterday and you actually got enough of a burst of energy to get up and play on your knees in the crib for short bursts.  I made the mistake (?) of even announcing that we seemingly hit out peak and you were rounding the corner (to health).


We certainly rounded a corner last night but it was not one to health at all, the direct opposite.  As I said my little duck, it's been a long time since I've been this worried about you.  You got really sick really quite fast (over a few hours) last night and had your night team jumping all night.  I knew by 11pm last night that we were certainly in troubled waters and that we'd most likely be headed downstairs to the PICU.


The ICU team did watch you as well overnight but they were confident that Unit 2 was still an okay place to be (even though you are maxed out on your oxygen here).  We got kind of mixed reviews on what your chest x ray showed.  PICU thought it was more a showing of very nasty pneumonia but the Unit thought that maybe we were looking at a pneumothorax. Neither were particularly promising but we couldn't be sure until Radiology had a look at your film.  I knew how very ill you felt because you've not really fought any of your xrays or tests (and blood gases are awful!).


You are getting round the clock ventolin (5 puffs every hour), IV steroids now and a new, bigger antibiotic.  Through all of this there has really been no significant change.  We do know now it is an awful, vicious pneumonia but we still don't know the type.  It's frustrating to me that they did all of the bloodwork and such on Monday and we still don't have our 'bacteria' or 'virus' cause.  I don't know why I feel like I need a name, I just do.  It won't change the protocol but at least I can give this awfulness a name and can direct some energy towards that.


It's been a very long time since I've seen you this sick, this pale and this unresponsive at times.  What I need you to do now Sweet Boy is to tell this bug who is in charge and to take a hike.


You are still sitting on the cusp of ICU and still very much in the scary zone.  My biggest fear is that your little body will just get simply too tired to keep going and you'll end up intubated.  I'd much rather put you (torture) on C-pap or even a ventilator then wait too long and have to intubate you because your little body gets too tired.


All we can hope is that time is on our side, that you'll fight this bug with all that Superhero B strength.  You still amaze me while you are so ill that you can still do your nose scrunchers and funny faces for your favourite docs.


Love your biggest fan, your Momma

From Our Home (Unit 2/ICU) To Yours...