Saturday, 5 November 2011

Another Surgery Bracelet

The day 10 excitement,

So, my big night of getting 2 hrs of consecutive sleep didn't go exactly as planned.  I did get the 2 hrs, I just didn't get any more than that!

I was woken at 2am to have our vitals taken and lay in bed afterwards thinking that something didn't seem right.  The dull aching in my huge belly was a bit odd (when I say 'huge' it is the size it was in the end of my pregnancy with a 9 lb Rylan).  Granted it has now been almost 7 yrs since I've had a contraction, I guess they really aren't that hard to forget.  Not only did my body decide to try them out at that time but baby's heart rate went down below the 'accepted' level.  I didn't realize the heart rate had changed because I was more than a little concerned at the strength and frequency of the contractions.  I was checked a few times and then was told that I was being shipped back upstairs to the labour and maternity floor (where I spent the first 5 days) for 'observation'.  Ironically enough, I had been joking only hours before about having trouble sleeping and going up to say 'hello' to my favourite Nurse, Karen at 3am.  Good ol' Murphy again, I got to see Karen's beautiful face at 3:30am, just from a bed strapped to monitors instead of a 'social visit'.

I was quite amazed at the strength of some of the contractions (I'm sure my stress level didn't help).  Baby boy was moving, which was great, but had a lower heart rate then the nurses were happy with.  The tricky thing about the heart meds that I take is that it is such a fine balance between taking/maintaining a 'theraputic' dose and getting 'toxic' with them.  There is a reason you aren't supposed to take other's meds I would guess especially when it comes to the heart!  My wonderful OB was actually on call last night as well and he decided that we need to tweak the meds again for both of our safety (mine and baby's, not the Dr.). Of course I also won myself a spot again on the 'surgery watch' hence my new yellow bracelet!

It is obviously a very important dance but frustrating nonetheless as I was finally feeling (and was told by baby's cardiologist) that we were at a therapeutic dose and that in 7-10 days we would know if it was working.  I've now had to reduce the amount that I am taking and now won't know for a bit longer to whether or not it is going to be enough to be effective.  Such a dance we are performing with no stopping the music in sight.

The good part is that the contractions did quiet and the scan looked not too bad this morning.  The Radiologist we had this morning was a new one and had the challenge on trying to get Baby's dopplers read while he danced.  I got to come back to my room (yay!) on the 4th floor to brush my teeth (double yay) and rest, not to mention spend a short while with my exhausted husband (who got a nice call from me to come up at 6am on his sleep-in day), where it wasn't non-stop stress.  It is so hard to see the stress on everyone's faces.  I know that my amazing Mother is going non-stop trying to keep everyone fed and in clean clothes without taking any real time for herself. My wonderful, laid back Father-in-law has stress lines around his eyes for us (he needs to stop 'googling' for answers) and my Husband is so far past exhausted that I don't know if he can catch up on any sleep at this point or not. I think the worst of it is though is the two little faces that are pale and drawn when they come for their daily visits.  My poor sweet little boys are coping better than one could hope but are still struggling each day (hour?) with missing Mommy and not quite understanding the magnitude of why I am not there.  Torin actually invited me to come to 'his house' today for a aching heart.  I know they are well cared for and loved but I can also see (and hear in their voices) how difficult this is for them.  Spending 20 mins with their Mom in a hospital room between school, therapy and dinner, just doesn't cut it.  The frustration lies with the fact that there is nothing I can do and this will just be part of their memories growing up, 'Mommy is sick'.  Yes, I know, kids are resilient but it is when the sun goes down and I am alone in the dark that the 'worries' and 'heart aches' come calling with T and R being front and centre.

I did feel strong enough to walk my Mom and the boys out this afternoon after their visit and got my first lungful of fresh winter air in 10 days...glorious.  I am also looking forward to my two hours of consecutive sleep tonight (fingers crossed!).

Time for the positives:
 I got to spend some time laughing with my husband, spent time with my little monsters (bed up, bed down repeat) and my Mom and we got to enjoy some fresh fruit that was delivered to my room in a bouquet via the Highwood

Off to eat some more fresh strawberries from my mini fridge (thanks J) as they 'fit' into my 'looooow sodium' diet (blech!).

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