Friday, 15 June 2012

It's Certainly Not All Roses

It's hard to believe that I am at post 100!

I think Mike summed it up last night when he stated that having Mr.B home is actually MORE stressful!  Not a big surprise I suppose, it is pretty overwhelming having to take on the roles of Nurse, Dr and Therapists as well as Mommy.

In all reality the week hasn't gone all that badly, I've gotten Ry to school on time and even remembered to pick him up all three days (although he is home with all of us today due to the fact that I didn't think I should legally drive after my no-sleep night last night!).  I spent every hour, at least once an hour, up with at least one of my children.  Torin is still terribly sick and I can't seem to get his fever to drop under 103.  Would normally take him to a walk in but the thought of exposing B to all the germs at a walk in makes my skin crawl.  With the pain he's having upon swallowing  makes me fear we are back to Strep once again...lord love a duck.  Mr.B's been running a low grade fever but is still on his antibiotics for his last UTI at least so he has a bit more resistance but we are back to green slime poop again today....frick.

It is a lot of pressure to have to figure out what is going on when Braeden is screaming, it's not quite like a 'typical child', oh, he's just gassy/fussy/tired/hungry/etc.  B really only has tears when he is in pain and so it is very nerve wracking when he screams for 1/2 hr with tears running down his face.  Turns out that if the first time you vent him you don't get succeed then try, try again!  Gas pains would hurt a great deal when you can't burp or spit up.  It's great having the option to vent him through his g-tube but he needs to be moved around constantly to force the air out (perhaps my Nurse friends could tell me an easier way??) which makes him scream harder.  It seems switching over to the powdered version of the same formula upon coming home is making him waaaay gassier.  Of course the powdered version is waaay cheaper than the concentrated...of course.

Mike got a bit of a shock yesterday when he had to help me 'treat' (ie: burn the hell out of him) his granular tissue.  I was only about 1/2 way through when Michael told me that was enough.  Not fun having to cause your child the pain of a chemical burn while holding them down so they don't move and thus letting you burn the 'wrong' skin.  I don't know what Mike was expecting but it certainly wasn't that although the positve is that I got through it without vomiting!

I'm also pretty certain that the look I got when B woke from his nap yesterday was, "You again??".  He is finally waking up happy at least, he wasn't too impressed for the first 48 hrs waking up in his 'new' crib.  I think he is wondering where all of his girlfriends have gone!  On a positive he had his first bath here at home last night and was very impressed by that discovery!

The boys are loving being all together and it is so very sweet to watch big brother T read Mr.B stories in the mornings or having big brother Ry tickle B to make him laugh.  All in all it is SO much better at home but it is also SO much more stressful.  The good and the bad?  I guess, but I'd still chose to have him home over not.

On the crappiest of notes, it was a sad, nausea inducing day yesterday when the guys cleaning out my neighbours yard made the grisley discovery of what we can only assume are Sasha's remains (the cat we lost a month ago with the assumption of Coyote involvement).  It is nice (?) to have the closure but I also don't have the ability to let go and lose my shit with three boys at home with me.  Add it to the pile, thanks!

So to any of your planning on visiting anytime soon, my house will inevitably be a mess and my kids will be eating plain pasta for a bit because the thought of fitting in groceries seems to be too much right now.  Just go with it because my motto right now is 'let it go!' compliments of the Homecare Nurse Luci.  When she found out I was still pumping after 32 weeks she told me that "Sometimes you just need to let things go".  It wasn't just that occurance that has made me stop pumping, I had already decided to stop due to the fact that there is no time to fit it in with B home and really, he's still not ready and I'm done with it all.  Gold star to me (yup, I said it) for sticking with it for so damn long.

My positive thoughts for the day are completely with my sister who is on her journey of discovery today and my biggest hope in life right now is that they discover NOTHING more.  Please take all of those positive thoughts you normally pass on our way and send them instead to her, give her the strength to pull herself through this with the grace that she's had thus far.  I don't know how many times she's told me over the past few months that we should live closer. She's right, we should because you can be damn sure I'd be holding her hand today if I could.  Love across those mountains to all of my sisters, I love and miss you all terribly.

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